A Family Lost and Found
A Personal Story from an Ex-Resident
Donald McLoughlin-Todd - 'TODDY' - is a former resident of Clontarf and Castledare. Eight years ago, at the age of 50, Toddy made his first journey home to Scotland to visit the mother he barely remembered after being placed in an orphanage when he was just three years old and from where he was sent to Australia as a child migrant two years later. The journey would take him half way across the world and into unfamiliar territory. With travel assistance from C-BERSS, Toddy has recently returned from his second trip home.

I was born in Glasgow in 1942. When I was three years old I was placed in an orphanage because my mother was unable to look after me or my brother at the time. That was the last childhood contact I had with my mother.

When I was five I was sent to Australia. Afterwards, my mother married and had my two sisters Charlotte and Helen. My stepfather, her husband, already had several children, one of whom was Peter, my stepbrother. Charlotte, my eldest sister now lives with my mother. My mother, who is 83 years old, is not in good health. Charlotte looks after her.

Part Of A Family

Many years after I left the Christian Brothers' institutions (Clontarf for 5 years and Castledare for another 5 years) I discovered the family I had left behind.

I learnt that my mother, sistsers, brother, stepbrothers and stepsister were all alive and living in Edinburgh. This news meant a lot to me.

I resolved to visit my long lost family. By scraping and borrowing some money together I was able to pay for the trip overseas. That was in 1992.

It was not an easy trip for me. I only managed to see two members of my family - my younger sister Helen and my mother who had agreed to meet me on this occasion.

I had so looked forward to this moment in my life.

Filling In The Years

When the moment came, meeting my own mother for the first time since I was a young child, all I wanted to do was to go up to her, to give her a hug and a cuddle.

But it was not to be. She actually pushed me away! That hurt. But she eventually came round.

After some time we were able to get together and I began to tell her something about my past, the years of hardship and abuse I had experienced as a child growing up in the institutions in Australia, the lack of warmth, love and care. Listening to my painful memories, my mother, who has 75 at the time, became very distressed and was crying. She jumped up out of her chair and rushed out the door heading for the local police station. She wanted to lay charges against those reponsible!

My mother told me then that she had never forgotten me, she had always talked to her other children about me. They all knew that "somewhere in the world their brother Donald (Toddy) existed" but they did not know where.

This was the most wonderful message for me to hear from the one person in my life I had always dreamt about.

Finding A Way Back

When I returned to Australia I was determined to find some way to visit my long lost family once again. So years later in 1999, I approached C-BERSS who, with funding from the Christian Brothers, were arranging reunification trips for former Child Migrants.

The wheels were set in motion for me to once again see my mother who was now 83 years of age and had not been too well. This time I would also meet up with the rest of my family - my sisters Charlotte and Helen and my stepbrother Peter, and his wife Sheilagh, all of whom wanted to meet me.

My trip was approved and on the 27th March this year I again boarded a British Airways plane to Edinburgh as my destination. I was excited and of course nervous as I would be meeting Charlotte, and Peter and Sheilagh for the first time, and my mother and sister Helen for only the second time. I had wanted this visit to be a surprise for my mother, but Charlotte felt that this was not such a good idea. As my mother had not been well, she was concerned that the shock could cause her to have a heart attack. I relented and thus my mother was forewarned about my arrival.

A Warm Welcome

When I arrived at Edinburgh Airport, I was welcomed with open arms by my brother Peter, his wife Sheilagh and their son. They had been anticipating my arrival for months, wanting to meet me.

When I saw my mother fer first words to me were: "Where have you been?" and yes, this time, when I gave her a welcoming hug and cuddle, she was able to return my warm embrace.

I am a keen bowler, and guess what? That very same day I went to play indoor bowls with Peter. We played a lot of bowls over the next four weeks. I stayed with Peter and Sheilagh, and of course had many visits with my mother and my sister Charlotte, and times spent talking and socialising with my brothers and sisters.

Looking back on this experience I think the highlights for me were:

seeing my mother and family again and having the opportunity to spend some quality time with them

hearing my mother say that she regrets "not having kept me" and that if she had known where they had sent me, she would never have allowed it to happen

experiencing snow for the first time

Saying Goodbye

Of course there are regrets, such as having to say "goodbye"; knowing that they live so far away and having regular face to face contact. It is sad realising that I may never see my mother again.

Now that I am back home, it has been easy to settle. I miss my lovely new-found family. I am grateful though that I have had the opportunity to reunite with them all.

Toddy spoke to Sjoujke Tarbox

Previous Article

Next Article

Printing and Viewing Options...
Print out this article now	View a Printer-Friendly version of the whole newsletter		To bookmark this article, Press 'Ctrl D'

The C-BERSS Online Community
Email this article to a friend	Leave a comment about this article	Read what others have said about this article

Other articles in this newsletter...
Money Matters	Read other newsletters...