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All Newsletters : December 2002 : Friends for Life

Friends for Life

Tony Pavia talks to C-BERS Counsellor Michael Anderson about the very special relationship he shares with his grandchildren Tom and Kayley

Tony Pavia spends a lot of time caring for his three year old grandson Tom. It is time he relishes and probably more than he spent with his own two children, Sharyn and Jason, when they were youngsters, and he was in the workforce. It is certainly much more time than his own father spent with him in his childhood days growing up as one of 17 children in Malta.
“Poppy” Tony looks after his young grandson Tom for three days a week from breakfast till about 2.30, while Tom’s Mum Sharyn, and Grandma Judy are both out working.
With the boys alone together, this is indeed “quality time”. Starting with breakfast, (Tom’s favorites are spaghetti and chips) through to swings at the local playground or following “Poppy” round as he does his gardening and other chores, Tom is happy just to be taking part in shared activity with his much loved grandfather whom he describes as “his best friend.”
Tony’s close and loving relationship both with young Tom and Tom’s sister, Kayley, (who these days is off at school during the day) is a far cry from his own childhood experiences back in Malta.
Tony remembers his own father as a cold and violent man. While his father attended church, without fail, every morning and evening, he would also beat his children, at the slightest indiscretion, without mercy. All in all, Tony says he remembers being petrified of his father and his violent ways.
At the age of 11, Tony volunteered to migrate to Australia as part of the child migration scheme, if only to escape the regular beatings he saw as scarring his family’s life. It was 1953.
Tony was placed at Clontarf where he lived for the next four years, leaving in 1957.
Eleven years later, in 1968, he married Australian-born Judy. The birth of his own two children provided the opportunity for Tony to create the kind of family life he had missed out on himself. He resolved that no child of his would ever be “petrified” of him as he had been of his own father.
But the demands of earning a living, which included working unsocial split shifts at BP, meant that Tony could not spend as much time with his children as he would have liked.
Retirement has given him the time and opportunity to focus his attention on the next generation of his family.
Reflecting on his role as grandfather, Tony says Kayley and Tom have brought great joy into his life. His grandfatherly role, which includes lots of fun and “playing a bit”, has, in Tony’s words, “made me feel young again”. Except, perhaps, that this time round, his youthfulness is expressed through more loving relationships and much happier experiences.





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