Moving On
A personal story from Des McPolin about his experiences in reuniting and reconciling with his family in the UK as told to Sjoukje Tarbox, his C-BERS counsellor
As a former Child Migrant, I had always wanted to find out more about my family of origin. It was only in the 1990s that I started this process.
I have been married to Selma for 22 years and have two adult children. It became very important to me at this stage of my life and also for my family to find out something more about my background. My family was aware that I had been placed in an orphanage in Ireland, then sent to Australia as an seven year old to Subiaco, Castledare and Tardun.
I contacted a tracing Agency that I knew had successfully traced many families of former Child Migrants. After some time I was contacted by this Agency’s Social worker telling me that they had been able to trace my mother who was now married and had four more children.
Unfortunately this news was not that easy as my mother had indicated to the Social Worker that she had never told her husband nor her children that she had given birth to me at an young age, had me adopted and that I was then placed in an Orphanage in Belfast. It was a secret she had kept all her life.
Nor did my mother feel too happy about me wanting to meet with her. However, eventually she consented to a meeting, nothing else, and only in the presence of a social worker at a hotel.
My need to meet with my mother was so great, to know that I had a family, that I belonged somewhere, was overwhelming.
In 1999 I travelled to the UK to finally take this step. It was a difficult meeting between us as my mother had never reconciled with the fact that she had me, having kept this secret all her life.
I felt disappointed and rejected once again and, on my return to Australia, had almost decided to give up any further searching for my siblings. It was on the insistence of my family that I decided once again to take up the search for them, even though I knew they did not know about me. I made contact with C-BERS in 2000 asking for further help to trace my brothers and sisters.
Joan Kerry, the Social Worker who worked in the UK on behalf of C-BERS was soon able to confirm and locate them. I was overjoyed with this news, particularly when Joan indicated that initially she would make contact with them. They were shocked, surprised, with the news of my existence in Australia. They, of course, also found it difficult to come to terms with this news about me. However, slowly we began to communicate, first with the exchange of photos of ourselves, our families then further contact by email, chatting about our lives in general. Our mother was aware throughout that this was happening and my brothers and sister fed back to her regularly so she was not threatened by the contact.
In 2004, through funding by the Australian Government, the opportunity arose for us to travel to the UK for the purpose of reunification with our families. Selma and I made plans to travel in 2005.
I indicated to my family my intentions to do so hoping that they were willing to meet with us. Although we had contact fairly regularly by email they at first were quite reluctant.
It seemed too soon for them. They also felt quite protective towards our mother as they were now aware of the difficulty she had about her past “secret” and that she had never really reconciled with this. I reassured them that I did not wish at any time to force the issue and impose myself on my family. I also assured them that if they did not want to meet with us I would respect their wishes. Joan offered to visit them prior to our arrival to try and break the ice, hoping that they would agree to meet with us, possibly at a neutral venue in London.
In April this year Selma and I boarded a plane for the UK and Ireland, spending our first week in London.
On April 9, with Joan as mediator, the family had agreed to meet at Nazareth house in London. Joan was there to make the initial introduction. It all went so well and, even when Joan went to make tea, none of us could stop talking, exchanging news about our families and talking about Mum. We talked for two hours then went to a local pub for lunch!
On parting that day we all agreed to see each other again two weeks later in London. We were able to get together this time with the rest of the family, nieces, nephews, wives and husbands. Even Mum came for a short visit to meet with Selma and me.
I left England elated, feeling so different from the past years wondering about who I belonged to. Now I felt accepted by my family as their brother.
We all agreed to keep in regular contact, which we now do through phone calls, letters and by email.
Finally there has been closure for me and I now feel that I can move on with my life with a lighter heart.
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